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I know I said that “I was back” and then I didn’t write for…. let’s just say weeks. Not that I haven’t been thinking about it…
What I have been really thinking about is working-out. I have been in a bit of a workout funk schedule. I just have not been able to figure out how to fit it all in. So i guess it’s not so much a workout funk as a balance funk. It has been all consuming, and if i want to get pretty dramatic about it, kind of crippling.
Do you ever get so bombarded by the thoughts of everything you have to do that you end up just not doing them? Or, at the very least not doing them to the best that you know you should? Basically just half-assing everything, instead of cutting some stuff out and doing the fewer things really good. I think that i am close to that, there are some loose ends i’m trying to tighten up, but man, sometimes i just have to wonder where i’m falling short. there is only so much that you can do before something slips through the cracks.
I went home for a brief stint back in February and my mom and I found ourselves in a long conversation about just that. Here I was, getting ready to take a shower, and one line happens and poof, 45 mins go by and we are talking about the nuance of life and time… We mainly were speaking in the sense of motherhood (not pregnant) and how one “fits it all in”. The conclusion being, you can’t fit it all in. Sex and the City was wrong. I cannot have it all. But all is so subjective. I don’t want all of it, i want the quality of the things I love. And finding that, and sifting through everything else, well, that’s a balance in and of its own, right?
Some things I love: (because lists are fun)
My husband - like, duh.
Family - see above
My closest circle of friends - because let’s be honest, I can really only stand to be around a few people.
My dogs - because they are pretty much right up with Chris (the husband)
My car - Yes, I love my car. Everyday I literally thank god for having given me the resources to have the car that I want, and to continue to pay for it without having a heart attack every month. That may sound shallow, but I am calling it like it is.
My job(s) - sometimes i get very annoyed them with, but they are both fulfilling and challenging in very different ways. I appreciate their diversity, and what they help accomplish for myself, and for the people around me. I hope that what i do, in a small way, makes a positive impact on the people i encounter/work with on a daily basis. BUT! Do not let that fool you into thinking everyday I want to go do that work… I say this usually because I am feeling discouraged and i have to remind myself of why i do what I do, not because of the everyday mundane or frustrating things that happen, but because of what those acts do in the end that is the gold…. most of the time ;)
My home/apartment - I love and am so grateful that i have a space to call my own. And when I walk into my home, i feel at home, and stress free. This space is like my recharge dock. It keeps me sane.
Travel - well, I sort of feel like this is self explanatory.
Time off - not the same as travel, because time off in your own space is almost just as sweet as jetting or road tripping to someplace else.
Working out - this is one of the few things that when I am doing it, and finished with it, I just feel so good about myself. So strong, brave, and accomplished. It’s just wow. And, that’s basically with any workout, I love trying it all, and that there is always something out there to stretch out of your comfort zone and learn something about yourself, and your determination.
And that’s all off the top of my head. So, i guess my thought is, that that’s kinda a lot. and to balance all the stuff I love, on top of the things i do that may not be something I love, but still has to get done. Well shit. It can get to ya.
Right now I’m balancing a part-time job that is more work than any full-time job i’ve had, taking care of two dogs (one of which I am trying to break from eating shoes/our recycling while we are gone, thoughts, advice?!) while living in an apartment, taking care of everything “home” (cooking, cleaning, laundry, rent, making it feel like a home etc), helping and supporting a husband in grad school, still doing work for my freelance clients, making sure my relationship is strong in my marriage, making sure my relationship is strong in my religion, and then, on top of it finding time to workout?
Yeah, I bet you can figure out the top three things that go to the wayside? or at least go in the half-assed category.
I feel like this is a disheartening post, and i don’t mean it to be. But, it is a brain dump of the last month or so. And, i think talking about balance, working out, and setting priorities is helpful, and ultimately I hope that it will get me where I need to go. And that place is a nice, relaxing (because I’m not superwoman, i don’t even like doing it all) and fulfilled life.
So, let this also be a place you can brain dump, in a positive and constructive way. And, I’ll be back to regularly schedule happiness next time. But, you know, sometimes you just gotta let is all out. And I can honestly say, I’m already feeling better, and a little more grateful to that pile of laundry i’m totally going to tackle right now *as i eat yet another peanut M&M*
I know I have been extremely absent over here on the blog. There is a lot to catch up on in the last 6 months that i will do my best to chronicle. the bullet points, in no particular order is as follows.
- I’m married… Duh. Most have heard my rantings about such things as I got engaged last December, but in August it finally happened, and I can say, all the ups and downs of planning a wedding, and making everyone happy, while still you know, working on your relationship, well it was all worth it. I can honestly say that I remember that day so vividly. there was no stress. It both went by too fast and also at the right speed. a more lengthy post about that, and our honeymoon road trip will be needed, as it is something I would love to have in a safe place (because the internet is soooooo safe) for a long time.
- I started another job…. I now have a job working at an animal rescue part time… Well, let’s say it is the most full time par time job that I have had. But, I do their book keeping and work their adoption events. It is so nice being apart of something to much bigger than myself, and knowing that I am apart of a great group of people to promote change in our community. I am beyond grateful.
- Yes, I am still doing the freelance thing too…. I haven’t slowed down in that. I still have great clients, big and small, that I am working on. I think if I were to choose a word for 2014 it would be BALANCE. That too deserves it’s own post.
- We got another dog…. She is amazing, hilarious, and Yoshi’s best bed, and our new little gal. She is a Pharaoh hound German Shepard mix and her name is Maka, which is Lakota Indian for Earth Goddess… Basically I think that each bullet will soon become at LEAST one post, so more details to come.
- My oldest brother Paul moved to Stuttgart, Germany, with his wife (he just got married in June of 2013, nearly two months nearly to the day before my wedding) for up to three years. And yes, we are already planning our trip there at the end of 2014.
- I am officially part of the “Subaru” family. I finally bit the bullet and got a new car! Yay! Perfect for our two active dogs, and our active lifestyle.
Now, I have been thinking for a long time if I wanted to get back into blogging, and I figured that since it has been on my mind for so long that it must mean that it was something that I truly missed, and it had helped me so much get through that weird phase of working at home/finding new passions/dealing and facing stress/really being mindful of my own introspective thoughts and ideas. So, hello again blog world, an old friend has come back. Let’s get closer this new year, shall we?
How is your 2014 going? Do you do resolutions, or are you more of a “word” kind of person? I really don’t know what I am yet, but every year, and every day I always strive to get closer to that… I guess part of me is a Goal person, what do I want to look back on this year and say that I crossed that off the list? Either by an attainable goal, or saying that I changed the way I look at XY&Z, that i don’t know yet, but I don’t think that if you don’t know your goal/resolution/word by Jan 1st, it’s never to late to start.
This is shocking! I am posting this, and it’s still the AM. Also, another shock today, when I’m done with this, I fully intend to workout, also, while it is still “morning”. I mean, it’s a little past 11am, but hey, that is still the morning! Emiright?
some more shocking things. i am feeling very motivated to not procrastinate. sadly, that is not always the case. i do really well when i have a deadline, but not in the sense that i put it off until 10pm the night before. but, i do have a small deadline to give a potential new client an estimate for his manuscript he wants me to edit, so there is that. and, i don’t know if you know this, well, this could very well be a “me” thing. but, when i read something, especially if it is something i need to get a feel for, i have to read it at least three times, but all of them with a different cap on. so, i’ll start reading his pages after, or maybe even before, my shower, after my workout when i am relaxed. and i’ll read that with no pen, and i won’t even sit at my desk. i’ll get comfortable, have a nice drink with me, and read it just to read it. kind of how someone that would pick this book up and read it would, for enjoyment. then i will walk away. i’ll take my shower, put my makeup on, etc. maybe even work on my brothers screenplay before going back to it. probably eat lunch, and either think about it, or pick it up again and read it. this time with a pen. so that every time i read it i am delving deeper and deeper. you need to start at the most outside part of the piece (when you aren’t the one that has written it) to be able to get the whole picture, all the layers, see it from as many different eyes as possible. that is my job. that is what i love to do. so, i suppose, is it so surprising that i can’t wait to start that process? that is my favorite part, the part where i feel like a detective, need ing to uncover and see it in its barest, purest, best form i can help make.
welp, didn’t mean for that to get on a rant of an “editors” process, but, that is also something i’m learning about writing/blogging. sometimes i sit down with a topic in mind and i write it. most of the time it is just getting me to the page, to the writing box, sitting down with some coffee, and just, start.
there are things in life when stuff just is so quiet (and maybe a little boring) and you’re thinking when and how are you going to get out of this “slump” and then, BOOM! you have to juggle, plan, (put things off) and work past 5pm, and wake up earlier than usual. wah wah wah em i right? i think i want to write a post about the glorification of busy, not to say that my schedule is incredible out of control, i just think that maybe between my freelance and my new job i may be juggling there abouts a full-time job. but in a lot of cases they say when you are doing what you love, isn’t the “busy” sometimes just life? i really think that i would rather work two (three, or whatever/how many) jobs that i love, than one or none jobs that i hate.
also, jobs really can be so many hats, not just the ones we get paid for or the ones where we work for someone/someplace. i mean, a mom is a job. i feel like in my relationship i have a job, or a role. even in my own apartment, a job is cleaning, laundry, cooking, shopping for the home etc. that is job that i love! but, it does take time, planning, organization, patience, communication, all of the things that are needed in a paid job, no?
they are things i am so happy to be doing, and many of those jobs are, in some way, relaxing. like writing this blog for instance. it is very relaxing and cathartic for me to try and record some of my everyday thoughts and memories.
what about all of you? what are some jobs, what would you consider a job? is there some you love and hate? sometimes at the same time? let’s talk about it!
over here we are getting deep in the mix of wedding stuff. i just updated my wedding to-do list, and it is getting pretty ridiculous. i seriously cannot wait till all of this is over and chris and i are on the road going wherever we want on our “honeymoon”. we are going somewhere, not really sure where, we will just figure it out as we go, but we know we are going north. Maybe Colorado. Maybe New Mexico. Maybe we will go to the coast! Who knows! I just know that i don’t want to plan anymore. i hate all of this prep, marriage planning, pleasing everyone-ness. the plus side is that i just got another job at a non-profit animal rescue organization.
not only is it a job i feel so passionate about (and, i mean, puppy office-mates? gwah!!) but also, the extra money doesn’t hurt ;). all this to say, my schedule is turning a new leaf. i’m excited about the change and about how my time is now wanted and needed by someone else. but, because it is still a part-time position i am happy that i still have time to be flexible with my time and my freelance work as well (a new project may be in the works!).
now, i will leave you this tuesday with a nice little thought about life. i think a lot about this, in this crazy silly stage of my life. to remember that life is always changing, and evolving; that nothing lasts forever, and the hope is that i have to just enjoy it the best I can, and to remember it all.
“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” – Robert Frost
In my defense it does not feel like i have not posted here in nearly a week! But, some big stuff happened this weekend!
my oldest brother got married on Friday! Yay for him! I could not be more happy for him and sara, they have been together for a long time, they will soon be moving to Germany, and now they are married. he is the first of us to get married, and i am not far behind. I can’t wait for their August reception/party/going-away event! August will be a big month for our family, and i’m happy to say it will be full of joyful things!
chris and i celebrated our three year anniversary on friday as well! it won’t always fall on the same date as paul’s wedding anniversary because our “we are going out right now” date is a little fuzzy. but we both agreed that they time when we first “sort of” went out, and kissed was special, and it was on the first friday on June, so we like to keep it organic and say it is the first friday of the month, whatever that date is. All that to say that we went to dinner, wandered around on a walk, had a beer at our favorite spot, and then went to celebrate a friends 30th and going away party with a campfire. Busy night for sure! but it was so fun and so memorable. Whose to say that we will celebrate this night ever again? Seeing as our wedding is coming up soon, so it was fun to have fun with it, potentially for the last time.
we went canoeing and i didn’t run us into (a lot) of banks and trees! Yes, this is a big deal. the last time i was canoeing, well, let’s just keep it at, it was so bad i hadn’t done it in 12+ years.
I got a new job! I now work (along with still doing freelance editing work) for a non-profit organization called SNIPSA. they are a foster based spay/neuter/adoption organization, mainly dealing with dogs. I have loved going to their events, being apart of their Race for the Rescues event, and now i get to work for them! I could not be more grateful! My first day was Monday, and I am about to run out the door to go into the office, but I just couldn’t wait to share! Yay!!
To get mushy again, it is officially less than 2 months from our wedding! double yay! can’t wait for the engagement part to be over, and the marriage part to start!
Also, as a side note, we are actually getting rain, in june, in south texas! Miracle!